You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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