so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
