I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
