well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Text me some of your sweat
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