We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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