Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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