You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
