he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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