i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
