I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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