My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
