Please, let me fuck your mom
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
