i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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