don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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