did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
