i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
