I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
