so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
