im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Non-Jews are for practice
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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