he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
