What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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