made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Green mimosas i think yes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
