I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
