with your own penis?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
