I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
