you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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