Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
