I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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