You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
