What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
