They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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