Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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