new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I looked at my own cervix.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
