I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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