All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
