When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
