i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
