I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
