I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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