She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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