Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
