pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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