When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
