Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I looked at my own cervix.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
