and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
