ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
