she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
