I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
