He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
