Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
