:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
