I'm jealous of your bromance
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
