DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
